Monday, February 12, 2007

Dating apart - long distance relationships

My friend the doctor called asking me to help him brainstorm methods to keep momentum in his evolving (at this moment purely on-line) relationship moving forward.
He met his sweetheart on jdate and can't wait to see her two months from now.
He finds her wonderful, attractive and excellent company - I'm very excited for him!

However, she's very far away. They can't pursue the everyday intreractions that most would be able to pursue if they were physically together. His challenge: how to keep interest growing to help bring about their eventual in person meeting.

After a bit of thinking we created the following virtual dating list. Oddly, after we created the list I had an epiphany, but I'll get to that after the list:
  1. see a movie and discuss it over the phone
  2. backgammon and other on-line casual games at yahoo or msn
  3. read a book and discuss a different chapter every day
  4. second life
  5. everquest ii or world of warcraft etc… don’t push this one too hard – may backfire and she'll think you're a geek
  6. get a web cam to see each other when you talk online via skype
  7. play 21 questions
  8. 5 things no one knows about me
  9. do some surveys together
  10. do the personality profile survey together to learn psychological compatibilities (ala please understand)
  11. you can plan FL vacation together (keep doing it if already started)
  12. cyber sex - concern that it would grow old before the real sex happened

So there's our list. What would you add to it? I know that some of my readers have had long distance relationships ($2M for one - being a travelling man at times). What can you recommend to keep the excitement in a long distance relationship? I am curious and my friend would be very grateful for your advice and recommendations.

Now here's the epiphany. Mr. makingourway is spending 3-5 days a week on the road. He sees his wife on weekends and some times during the week. Is his marriage turning into a long distance relationship? Should the makingourway's be trying the items on the list? That was my epiphany.

Regards, makingourway


Anonymous said...

Man - I had a tough time with it. Looking for suggestions myself ;-).

The only success I have had was buying small gifts and hiding them in her house. When I was in the doghouse, I could always talk her over the phone to a hidden suprise. Much more affordable then sending her flowers.

Anonymous said...

Off the top of my head I would say:

1) Start playing World of Warcraft it's a great way to do something together, and have a sense that you are spending time together and having some fun at the same time. It's a relaxing way to enjoy another persons company without the whole focuse being spending time with them. You would want to be on Ventrilo which is a voice communication program so you can talk, not type to one another.

2) Cybersex is a bad idea. Flirtatious chat is not a bad idea though. Trading some revealing pics at some point when you really want to have some "secret" to share and a feeling of intamacy, sexually speaking. Talking about your sexual likes and dislikes is a good idea if it's casual and fun. It will help overcome anxiety hopefully and fuel your desire for each other. Cybersex, itself, is not a good idea. It's fun until the fat lady sings so to speak. Once she has sung you are left with an empty and perhaps even shameful feeling. In any case it's not the real thing and you will be frustrated and disapointed. Also, you will feel like you've had sex, even though you haven't and if it wasn't good, and cybersex is never "good" both of you will be disapointed in the result. Things may start to go downhill. However the flirting and the sex chat, without the fat lady singing can do quite the opposite.. setting the stage for a very romantic encounter and a desire to meet in person!